Where does the time go?

My horror scope.

2006-09-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today you could be in a creative mood, Errol. You might decide to suddenly paint your house a different color. Or you might end up buying something such as plants or fish to bring new energy into your home. You'll be eager to make some small changes to your immediate environment. Don't let things remain drab and boring. It could be the perfect time to shake things up a little bit!
-------------

Yeah, I'm packing and it sucks. I have SO little time and I'll be closing this up.

I feel the weight of my career across my shoulders, I still have not allowed myself to surrender to the ambiguity. However, I think that will come in time. Today is my Very very early retirement party from my job and it's over.

It's a relief, this book is almost closed. I can't wait.

I'm glad for burning man as it's providing me with a reminder of what my life will be like in the immediate future. Providing me with snap shots to meditate on - I belive this will allow me to understand what my im,mediate future will look like.

Peace and Love,
E

by Carolyn Burke

2006-06-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

Imagine a man. . . . He lives in a world of rules patterns conventions; his behaviour is not his own until a personal appeal is made for sensibility, for effectiveness, for relevance. He hopes for purpose meaning. Time is not his even during a coffee break. . . .

Imagine his world. . . . Flags fly high because they should. Cars tediously follow roads, never breaking free, all stopping at the same times and places like well-trained dogs. And take notice of the trees, carefully standing in rows between buildings standing in rows, leaving room only for ashen roads to slip between. Paralleled and crossed like archetypal spreadsheets of the human transaction. Now look up.

From high in a building, looking out one window in a row of windows from a floor, above many others and below even more, you see the breaking man. He observes roads traveling into the horizon, replacing a sunset just as they ought to in this, his world; the roads meet to shake hands. And he watches as buildings shorten themselves to fit comfortably in the horizon coffee shop.

And as warming sparkles of sunlight accidentally mar the wet pavement, puddles unexpectedly glint in unlawful cracks, scarring his eyes.

----------

More safely, the man attends to his coffee swirling gently in Styrofoam. Imagine him. . . snapping the plastic tab of a creamer, pulling back the foil, dripping cream creating frantic amber-hued chaos. The next table's woman hastens to stir hers quickly achieving a required uniformity much like oats merging in porridge. Now look inward.
Swirling continues, streaks of white in a universe of void. Dancing in and out, pale contaminants in haunting darkness form an artificial backbone marring his soul.
The coffee's steam dreams of another way. The man looks longingly upon the drink, peering into unsocialized depths where white motions scream to the bottom of the cup, only returning to conform.

Imagine a final ray. . . sunlight lighting on the man's window. Jealously, the woman looks up from her coffee, purple-blue eyes aflame. Sunlight ought to beam for the whole row of windows or not at all. And yet. . . the unfamiliar warmth adds energy to the swirling ending the sickly courtship. His coffee is no longer thoughtful. Deep non-Brownian pastel stains the edges of the Styrofoam matching hers. Chaos banished. The sunlight leaves on the guilty wings of an overhead seagull. Now imagine as his eyes follow.

In silent grief, a car is towed out of line. Orderly but illegal. Another, out of sight, impatiently replaces it. He watches a battle-weary truck return knowingly. Hidden behind dull purple-blue buildings lurks a new row. Ferengi profit emerges in the predictability of systematic rule breaking. The man's stark gaze causes one more push and pop of a tortured society as he crumples linear Styrofoam. He looks in.

Off on the horizon, white cloudy streaks turn pink, swirling into a havenless purple-blue. A sigh as the man stands. His watch walking quickly away with his life. Why should a man's time be his own?

---------------------------------------------
This resonates with me, perhaps it's the description of the mundane world. The question, "Why should a man's time be his own?"

We have been taught that it's our life and our time is ours. We are taught that we can be anything when we grow up. However, to claim what is rightfully mine, my time. There have been repercussions. I suppose that's where the overlap is. For the people who are used to sending us to do their bidding are naturally resistant to releasing control.

Skillful use of fear is utilized to keep us in check. We all have dreams, when we are kids we have dreams, and we become adults and trade in those dreams for comfort. We forget that we are supposed to dream.

What if we lived each day like it was not connected to the next? Would we make the same choices? How many choices a day do you make for something in the future? How many do you make for today? How many times through each day do you feel the sting of the past behind your eyes? If we can't live for today, how can we hope to feel the elation of the moment.

Can you imagine a life, where you only love 10% of it in moment. So for 90% of it, you live in the past, or the future. Is this the life that you want?

I know I feel the moment when I'm running, and I'm tired. All I can feel is my breath, my heart and the heat that my body generates. It's the closest to a meditative state that I get to enjoy.

Oilers - It was a good run, 14 years since a final has allowed Edmonton to appreciate a winning team.

2006-06-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

So, I went to watch game seven for the Oilers yesterday. We went to Suede. The Oilers got beaten. So, I’m not hung-over. I Didn't drink that much, the entire city seemed to slump after the loss. It's odd, but it's like there was a number of people who were looking for the endorphin rush that comes with a win, and like drug addicts, they slumped without their fix. There was an exodus as people left the city to retreat to some place...safe, guys swarmed girls in bars, some people drank to excess, and some normally friendly places, had the aura of melancholy. People groped about looking for the rush that they felt that they were rightfully owed.

I, as an observer, drank coffee, observed the loss, and thanked the Oilers inside my head for a wild ride, and went for a walk with the boys. I believed. However, I didn't find myself searching for a fix that I felt I was entitled to. I think I accepted the moment for what it was, and had an opportunity to reminisce. For me, I've been doing so much soul searching, and thinking. Each progression in the series has enabled me to have a benchmark, where I can check back and see what process has been made. I'm in some respects a different person than I was at game one, against Detroit. I like the change, and I’m at peace with it.

Paul - Thank-you.

2006-06-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

My cousin passed away last night. Leaving his mother, and wife and children and his ex-wife. He will be joining his father in the hereafter.

Paul, was always the wildest of all of us, his hobbies resembled the "Extreme guys" from Herald and Kumar. In his youth, he drove a camaro, and he jumped out of planes, and I vaguely recall that he was one of the paratroopers in movie Moonraker. Essentially, I envision him as somebody who managed to live in the moment for a few years.

As time has gone by, he has become an Entrepreneur, and an upstanding member of Calgary society.

However, I don't think him for what he accomplished, I remember him as my Cousin, my older cousin, who I looked up to. Who took me to the Calgary Zoo in his Camaro, when I was just tall enough to see out the window.

I remember when I was about 10, he let us rent R rated movies while we were hanging out with him, I remember his mother catching my brother and I watching them.

I think, I was in his car, while he listening to Black Sabbath. I remember asking him "Who is this on this tape?" He explained that it was Black Sabbath. I shot back with "this is very important. Because when I get older, I need to know what tapes not to buy!" He just smiled. I like Black Sabbath now.

I remember, my brother burning some of his picture negatives, and how he wasn't upset (preseumably because we set fire to his room, and he was happy to have a home)

I remember him teaching me how to play pool, when the queue was too big for my hand, and I needed a stool to get above the table to shoot some pool.

Parents are not supposed to outlive to outlive their Children. And Fathers are not supposed to leave children behind. This is a travesty, as it disrupts the entire circle of life.

If life is a gift, how come we're not allowed to return it on our own terms?

Bad analogies.

2006-05-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Each moment in time should be savored. Even pain brings about exquisite sensation, which should be at the very least admired, for protection of the numbness of routine life.
However, habituation makes fools of us all. If my life was a book, I am suddenly aware that I can feel a page turn, as each day passes. I will be closing this book soon, and moving on to the next one (I have a series in me). It’s odd how this “book” makes me appreciate all the highs and lows I was subjected to while creating the type on each page. It’s odd how much it has thought me, and defined what I am now. I admit, there are moments where I wish I didn’t choose to leave, and then I know – I wouldn’t appreciate it unless I knew I was turning the next page, getting inevitably closer to the end.

I am lucky.

I get to feel more, because I know a journey is ending, and a new adventure is beginning.

Today I went out to dinner With Mary Lou, and she allowed herself to be a sounding board, and allowed me to extract thoughts, that I didn’t know I had.
Time is a gift.

Friends are a blessing and life should be full of passion.

The conversation was philosophical, and the Angel hair Sergio was as usual, amazing.

Aries - these are already too close.

2006-05-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

I may let you know how this goes;-)

From: http://www.cainer.com/
May 5, 2006
There are some moments when you can get a sense of your true direction. It's as if you look at the cosmic compass and discover what way you're headed, and find your location on the map. When you do that, you'll see that you are in a truly challenging situation, and you may not know exactly what to do. You may not understand this strange, intense mission you seem to be on. It may seem too intense or uncertain for you to handle - but I assure you, you can. Remember, nothing can stop you from doing what you need to do.

From http://www.astrocenter.com
May 5, 2006
You could be in the mood to flirt and to have fun, Errol. As a fire sign, your charms tend to be on the outrageous side. When you like someone, you approach them with bold jokes and sassy comments. You'll have fun chatting with someone attractive today. Just don't go overboard with the sexy conversation if you are talking with this person in your workplace. You might want to postpone your discussion later in the evening over dinner!

The plan - The dream

2006-05-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Late August - Leave for the crazy hippy/rave/performance art festival known as Burning Man. This will likely be the last time the "boys" will be reunited for some time to come. Jason, Dale, and Raj have all confirmed their attendance. We even have our tickets booked. Everyone I know who has gone has basically said 'Look I know this sounds trite and clichéd, but it really is a life changing experience'. I'm just planning on heading there with an open mind and hoping we won't fall apart under the harsh conditions of the Nevada desert.Early September to the end of December- Our "epic" journey officially begins with a trip to Thailand. There are two events in that four month period which have been earmarked. The first is "Interhash" in Thailand, the international meet for the running club Jason and I run with in Edmonton. One of the great things of about attending the Interhash is that it provides us with opportunities to meet runners from around the world. There are some post run parties/excursions that are planned out to Burma/Myanmar and China. [I'm less eager to go to Myanmar given the boycott that has been requested by Nobel Prize laureate and democratically elected leader in exile, Aung San Suu Kyi. Although the thought of seeing a country few Westerners see, through local runners, is tempting.] Doing the crazy running with the Hash House Harriers around the Great Wall of China sounds amazing.The second event is that my parents will be meeting up with us in Thailand for Christmas. Thus, Thailand will be our home base and if there is any place in the region we will be calling "home" for awhile it would be Thailand.During our four months (September to December) we will be hopefully covering much of South East Asia: Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam. We may have excursions to China, Indonesia and Philippines. There is a lot to see around that area but we're going to try to keep it on the cheap. Hopefully Raj will be able to get some time off and the three of us can meet up.2007January - January will be spent in India.
February - February will be a more challenging period as we will be trying to get through Pakistan, through Iran up to Turkey, likely, by rail. For those of you that follow international news, you will know that hundreds have died on Pakistan rail accidents. We'll take things by ear and we may have to find alternative travel arrangements.March to July – I think that planning this far in advance is like planning what you will do with your rocket car by the time they are invented. (Supposed to be the year 2000, I’m still bitter about being stiffed) Still, preparation is in Jason’s nature so he wants to be aware of our options. We will have approximately five months at this point. We could go down to Africa I want to SCUBA dive with whale sharks and we have even bandied the idea of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro (in Tanzania). We could also spend the time around the Mediterranean with Greece not very far away. We also have Egypt within closer reach.At any rate, at some point we will be making our way up through the former Soviet Bloc eastern European countries: Hungary, Czech, Poland, Croatia, and Bulgaria, Moldova will likely be places we see.By July I would like to get to Moscow and then we will be taking the trans-Mongolian rail to Beijing. The latter part of July and most of August will likely be in Beijing and our trip will be drawing to a close. If there is time and money, I might stay in China longer or head to Australia.At that point, it will be just about time for Jason and I to head back to Canada so we don't lose our jobs! Of course, if some amazing opportunities come our way during the trip, then who knows? Despite this rough outline, I understand that things can change while you are traveling in a heartbeat: illness, issues from home, money issues, visa problems, relationships with people met along the way might alter our game plan completely.

The dance begins. Go LoA =)

2006-05-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments, but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures."

– Joseph Addison

Towel -

2006-04-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

I got an adventure towel from my sister today! It's odd to be thrilled with a piece of cloth. However, it's nice to see that the family is taking the impending trip seriously. I am excited and it’s nice to have the support.

I’m sitting here at 121 days, I’ve just been reorged (again) and I’m hoping that my new manager / director takes my plans seriously. The approval for my trip is in their hands. I’ve progressed too far down this path to back out, and it’s simply a matter of knowing, will it be a separation or will it be a leave of absence? C’mon LOA.

The weekend was filled with odd and unfamiliar things, like the drinking at Sherlocks’ with Derek Dale and Skippy and Darryl and Mary Lou and Sandy and Denyse and Kim and Kim (I didn’t just say Kim twice).and Missing a fire pit at Amanda’s house (again). Followed by an insightful cabbie who had all the secrets of life between phone calls.

Saturday was filled with the most astonishing hangover of my life (missed the red dress run, like I didn’t see that coming). And today I got some work on the resume done, and saw the family for dinner.

This week should be promising –

Monday – Hash

Tuesday – Swim, follwed by all night computer repair

Wednesday – Another timed race

Thursday – I better swim

Friday, well, who can ever tell what will happen on a Friday, I need to pain my deck…. Maybe Friday…

Rundle Park 4.5K

2006-04-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Place Numb Name Time Pace
===== ==== =============================== ======= =====
55 42/55 12/14 M3039 35 ERROL Barrie 24:17 5:24

Geez, it was hot, dusty and I did not hydrate well enough.

A brutal run.

St. Albert Ten Mile Road Race

2006-04-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

21st Annual St. Albert
Ten Mile Road Race
April 23, 2006
St. Albert, AB
Men 30-39 Category

Place-Numb-Competitor----Time Pace
=====-====-==========----=======-====
52----858--Errol Barrie--1:23:17-5:11

older races

2006-04-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

Running Room 5/10 Mile Road Race
September 19, 2004

Over Place
All In Finish Pace
Place AgeGroup Agegroup Num Competitor Name Time Min/Mile
===== ======== ======== ==== ===============================
40 7/10 M3039 3582 Errol BARRIE 1:26:06 8:37

21st Annual Beat Beethoven Road Race
July 17, 2005
Results by Results Canada 780-416-5124

Over Place
All In Finish Pace
Place AgeGroup Agegroup Num Competitor Name Time Min/Mile
===== ======== ======== ==== ===============================
174 45/123 M3039 3903 Errol BARRIE 39:48 4:59

a sub eight min mile pace...

2006-04-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is the first race in the spring series for the Frank McNamara Wednesday Night Series cross counrty run in Dawson Park a 4.7k XC Run

Place Numb Name Time Pace
===== ==== =============================== ======= =====
1 36 Dennis COLBURN 14:31 3:14
2 50 Jack COOK 14:37 3:15
3 25 Victor VILLEGAS 15:00 3:20
4 48 Kurt MUELLER 15:05 3:21
5 63 Lukas ARENSON 15:07 3:22
6 11 Stephen TOAL 15:38 3:29
7 64 Trevor SOLL 18:18 4:04
8 32 Jason FUNG 18:24 4:06
9 6 Don CAMIRE 18:52 4:12
10 31 Budd ZAK 19:14 4:17
11 41 Don TOSTO 19:15 4:17
12 21 Michael KARSTEN 19:42 4:23
13 20 Hamish FARMER 20:08 4:29
14 16 Jeff GREEKAS 21:06 4:42
15 29 Geoff CLINTON 21:34 4:48
16 35 Errol BARRIE 21:58 4:53
17 42 Fergal PETERS 23:26 5:13
18 12 Simon WALKER 24:17 5:24
19 37 Craig PRATT 26:01 5:47

Given, this was a 4.7K race, but it was no normal race, it was hilly, windy, and I have not been training for the last 4 or 5 months.

However, maybe by recording some of my runs I may get faster. So, maybe to generate some traffic here, I'll post my results.

Rambling from class.

2006-01-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

The Apology of Socrates, by plato.

Socrates prefaces his argument by contrasting the accusers beautiful lie versus against his ugly truth. Socrates explains that as a result of his life goal, the pursuit of the truth, he knew it would make him unpopular and It will make him poor. Yet he pursued it anyway. He views his poverty as a badge of honour and accepts no payments for his services. In his mind he is doing a great service for society,

So, he knows that this something that can allow the society to martyr them. Essentially, he tries to force the issue. He wants to have society decide that he can continue to do his job, and question society down to it’s core value, or he can’t live with it.

One of the charges against Socrates is that he is a sophist. Which for the purposes of our class we are defining as a class of ancient Greek teachers of rhetoric, They teach the art of successful living prominent (turning your funds into political power) about the middle of the 5th century B.C. for their adroit subtle and allegedly often specious reasoning
So, as a sophist – we first need to define the goals of rhetoric Rhetoric and philosophy – seem to do the same things. However, the difference between the two is the goal.

The goal of rhetoric is to persuade.
The goal of philosophy is to find truth.

The Truth is Ugly, and this is what the philosophers are pursing. This can be contracted with our political climate today. Where George Bush is asking the question, what is the right question to ask, and by asking these questions you are damaging the world.

Socrates feels that Democracy is ridiculous. Because people who do not know how to make good political decisions, should not choose who will be the next ruler.
It is Socrates world view that is causing him to be persecuted. Within the historical context, his constant questioning is causing the fragile democracy to be put into jeopardy.
So at the start of the discussion Socrates doesn’t bother to acknowledge his persecutors, citing that they are products of the comic poets from so many years ago. He claims that they are late comers, and that they are products of their society.

Anytus is a leader of the people, a war hero, and wants Socrates to shut up because he’s undermining the democracy.

My real enemy is the comic poets from so many years ago. You are late comers.

First accuser is a materialist – a naturalists (he not a naturalist) assumes that the world is made up of physical things & reasoning. Think of Socrates world view, and not calling the ether the world. Instead he calls the world odd.

Second accuser is a sophist –
He’s a wise guy. – A guy who teaches you, how to make friends and influence people through rhetoric.

He says that he’s having a defense of sophistry,

If I am teaching sin, who is teaching virtue. If you can’t define virtue, you can’t say that I am not teaching it.
An ad-homonym argument – if you buy into h
I think that Meletus, didn’t think this through.
A specialist

The most interesting argument against the corruption of the youth charge.
Who would you rather have in your life, good people or bad people.
I am making people bad on purpose,
I am doing or if it’s unintentional, you need to educate me.

Vice is ignorance, it’s because they are trying to something on purpose but they can’t. You should be teaching me, not killing me.

He rails daily, that pleasure is not good. -> if he is corrupting people, he didn’t teach them, they may have had this compulsion before and Socrates didn’t try them. He didn’t teach anything, he’s just talking and people talk to him.

Even if I did all this, I didn’t do it on purpose,

Crux of the argument is that they never paid me.
I Do you really believe that the tales about the gods are true??

Somebody needs to say that they are corrupted. “You can’t prove something by proving that something is not the case”. Corruption in Socrates case is really destabilizing the democracy.

Recognition versus really knowing it – from the gut.

The other charge – he doesn’t worship the gods not worshiping the god of Athens. Socrates doesn’t share, in the shared religion. This is what the charge is… He does all the right things. However, the accusation really entails that they he doesn’t participate appropriately follow the blind truth.

He provides an example of how he is not political. Three people (including Socrates and Anytus) were told to kill some people. Socrates went home, and Anytus got people out of town.
Was he really non-political by doing nothing?

Socrates really isn’t wise, he just knows that he knows nothing. He addresses his first three people the politicians, the artisans and the poets and explains that he knows nothing.

He identifies that he’s not a materialist and he’s not an atheist. He says he’s a very spiritual guy. He’s looking to prove that

He will not beg for pity, he will not cry, because he wants you to win over his death.

If you let me go, I will continue, if you don’t you will kill me.

What is just, what I deserve, five years in the “P” treat me as a hero of the state. The truth is ugly, he’s just, he’s on a mission and he can’t stop. Three times he said that they will be smudge their immortal souls by killing him.

Democracy needed an argument, to be a true tool of the people.

The unexamined life is not worth living.
You are killing me, because I am asking questions that you need to answer.

Philosophy is about maintaining intention. Constant question brings about dynamic change. Philosphy will cause pain and turmoil, it will cause people to do wacky people. Philosophy teaches people to think deeply about what is important.

Critus – kills the moderates, and exiles the rest.
- the Athenian people re-assert the democracy.
- Was a student of Socrates.

Dec15 ish - it's been a while.

2006-01-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

I’m writing this entry, on Sunday morning. I’m watching TV, with Kuma by my feet, killing time on the laptop, and contemplating the events of the week.

As I try to reflect on the events of the week, I realize that I have no recollection of Monday and Tuesday. Which isn’t a surprise, this is the reason why I started blogging.

On Wednesday, after work we had a get together for the staff. My old Veep (it was his last day on Friday) went, and I looked around the table, and this is the first time that it really sunk in that I am the youngest person on the team. As everybody was sitting around the table discussion possible pensions, I had the opportunity to contemplate whether I will retire with my company. While I am in a good position, and potentially have growth potential , I don’t think I will retire with the company. As it is impossible currently in today’s corporate climate, it’s simply not pragmatic to actually be concerned with a pension, that will probably not be there when I retire. However, the company may be there. Well, it will be there, but – not like it is today. I can explore this in another blog. In it, I will talk about my concept of the velvet noose, the need to diversify over several different businesses to prove my capabilities as a generalist.

My work environment is filled with experts. Each of these people is a master at their craft, and fully understands the internal and external environment in which they are playing. I admire them and feel that I need to understand what they do, and how they drive to it.

In time, in time.

After the work function, I shed my peers, and headed out to a comedy club with Dale and Jason. I must admit, the highlight of the evening was either the theatre sports (which was awesome) or the two girls who sat down with us at the start of the night asking “Gentlemen, are we going to do some shots?” We all ended up inebriated. The rest of the comedians, had a rough night, filled with dramatic pauses where there should have been laughing, poems about the penis, jokes about the penis. I’m sure they would have been funny on another day, however, the stars just didn’t align that day.

Thursday was a day for resting so that I could face Friday, and it was Dales Birthday!

On Friday, I hit a personal best of 2 miles, crashed a WCB party, and enjoyed the Superband at the sidetrack café. Super Band was Awesome!

Saturday was the Christmas party,

Sunday was spent mellowing out, watching TV, and

Swimming & Cramping

2005-12-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

When I’m swimming, there are times when the water feels very solid to me, it’s like the water below me has taken on such viscous properties, and each stroke feels like pushing against monkey bars, while I am floating in the air. I remember, back in the day when I was a competitive I must have felt this sensation.

However, when you’re learning I don’t think you think about how far you’ve come, as you have a hard time learning your craft. However, now that I am learning the technique again I am noticing the progression; my physical memory is remembering how to swim, and I’m mentally noticing the difference. The dissociation between the body and the mind is always amazing.

Well this week was an interesting week from a physical standpoint; on Monday I swam 108 lengths of a 25 meter pool in Kinsmen, which works out to roughly 2.7K, which isn’t too shabby.

On Tuesday I went to a party, celebrating a product launch. Nothing physical there, except for the belly dancer! Which was pretty groovy! I secretly think she was jealous of my disco-esque re-interpretation of her traditional dance. Our CTO felt it was noteworthy and brought it up during his thank you speech.

On Wednesday I missed the run with the running room so I went swimming instead. I was on track to swim a mile, and I was going for my final lap at full speed (I was flying) then at 63 lengths pushing off the wall, I felt a stabbing pain in my calves. A normal person may have stopped, but I was flying, and I only had one more length to go. So decided to power through it. At one third down the lane I experienced, a complete lock up of my lower extremities. I was mortified. I knew I was in trouble, I popped my head out of the water, and started looking for the life guard. She was at the other end of the pool, wishing that she could be somewhere else, needless to say I didn’t have her attention.

Then I proceeded to sink, I was in the shallow pool, so normally would just stand up. However, I couldn’t extend my legs, and I started sinking under the water. Then, I doggie paddled my way up to the water, and started to sink again. Then I managed to step outside myself and observe the classic non swimmer behaviors. At this point, I managed to pull myself together, and doggie paddle myself to the side of the pool. Then some guy came and helped me, and straighten out my leg. Then the life guard (Alanna) came and got me to sit in the kiddie pool and massage my leg. When I could walk again, I went on my merry way.

I called Inoa, because somehow I knew the cramp wouldn’t be over that night, we made plans for me to visit her at her office on Friday (she's an RMT, and the best RMT ever!). The cramp persisted through the night, and Inoa, being the wonderful (and talented) person that she is, moved me over to Thrusday and I visited her after work, she got some of my leg moving and provided me with epson salts to bathe in.

Friday, took it easy and kicked back and hung with Jessie and Dale. I was going to run hills, but Inoa explained that would be a bad idea.

Saturday running with the hashers, movie, and beer at the dog.

Sunday, swam 120 laps and I did weight lifting, followed up by movie night at4th and Vine.

Survey says...

2005-11-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

2. Bought something: Admission to the swimming pool last night

3. Gotten sick: Um, just getting over it. I never get sick

5. Been kissed: Yesterday monrning at the coffee Shop

6. Ate something: I'm at my desk, there is a box of "Wheat Thins", and a tea around me.

7. Felt stupid: Hmmm.. Often..

8. Talked to an ex: Yesterday monrning... at the coffee shop!

9. Missed someone: I try and focus on the here and now. However, in moments when I am alone, when I have time to reflect. I miss many people.

10. Hugged someone: Damn, that coffee shop! Geez, I didn't think it was that scandalous!

Last person who....

1. Slept in your bed: Me!

2. Saw you cry : I'm not sure, repression, it's a beautiful thing.

3. Made you cry: I was probably sneezing or something.

4. You went to the movies with: Raj and J, we went to see Derailed, snuck into Chicken Little, then couldn't find a seat in derailed, so we got our money back and grabbed a coffee instead.

5. You went to the mall with: Klammer!

Last person you....
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: My Mom

2. Got in a fight with: I can't really remember.

Have You...
3. Been to California: yes, as a child... and an adult!

4. Been to Mexico: Yes

5. Been to China: Soon...

6. Been to Canada: I live here...

7. Been to Europe: no. i'm pathetic

8. Been to Central America: Belize, was amazing. Mexico - which was neat.

some more questions...
1. Do you have a crush on someone: Not right now... odd really

2. What book are you reading now: "Feast for crows"

3. Worst feeling in the world: The passing of a friend or family. And knowing that you won't be able to talk to them again.

4. Future KIDS names: I want to call all my children Sparky.

6. What's under your bed: a suitcase...

7. Favorite sport to watch: Women’s volley ball, hockey...

8. Location: In my chair, at my desk

9. Piercing/Tattoos: nope

10. Do you drink: I would die if I didn't. Dehydration is a terrible way to go.

11. What are you most scared of right now: The world changing more than I can deal with.

12. Where do you want to get married: Have not thought about it.

13. Who do you really hate: I don't even hate George W. It's odd, but I don't think people mean to be Evil, it's an interpreation. I don't think anybody gets up saying I want to be irrational today.

14. Do you like being around people: generally, yes

15. Have you ever liked someone you have no chace with: Sure, this is the nature of being alive, it's part of the growth process.

16. Have you ever cried: yes.

17. Are you lonely right now: Nope..

18. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: Tobacco Road by David lee Roth. Don't ask me why

19. Been in love: Three times, I’m still friends with 2/3rd ‘s of them =)

20. Played strip poker: Nope, but I have played strip battle ship, and strip trivial pursuit, let's just say, I've had a good life =)

21. Gotten beaten up: I have an older brother.

22. Been on radio/TV: Yes!

23. Been in a mosh-pit: Yes!

24. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: I don't think so... But, probably...

25. Skinny dipped: Yes

26. Real name: Errol Tyler Barrie

27. Height: 5'4"

28. fav food: I like to eat...

29: Drink: Coffee

Pontification

2005-11-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

I do consider myself very fortunate that, circumstance has not thrust me into a situation where I have been forced to come to terms with an obstacle so great that where I collapse under the weight of the burden. I hope this will never happen to me, however - I am keenly aware that circumstance can make victims of anybody.

A few years ago, I was drifting - allowing circumstance to guide my life, I was younger, and I was letting all aspects of my life drift. Luckily, I had a fortunate occurrence that made me question the fundamental principals of how I was living my life.

On that day, I was searching for change off the floor (under and in the furniture ect.), of my apartment floor, so I could get enough bus money to transport myself to my five dollar an hour restaurant job.

During that time, I managed to step outside the moment and observe myself to see what I was reduced to, and from there I could visualize what I was going to amount to. At that moment, I swore that I would never be poor again.

Since then, I have not been poor, in fact when I walk around the house I have recently indebted myself to live in, I quietly marvel at how far I’ve come – in these last years I have reorganized my very existence to better myself, and by extension my lot in life. Those early hard lessons taught me to be the master of my own fate. I recognize that for most people, this is not a profound realization, however – this taught me to continue with life with a thoughtful outlook – to see what impact the changing world will have upon myself, and to judge the way that my actions will shape the world.

In a way – I look to those early lessons as painful and hard. In reality, they really shaped what I have become, perhaps that was my finest hour. Without those difficulties, I would not have learned how to realize my potential. In my mind, creativity comes from hardship and the ability to control your fate. Why? When you’re comfortable, the rules provide you with the ability to continue with your comfortable existence, these same rules provide us with a frame work to explore life from. This is a human instinct to mitigate risk. When you are uncomfortable – there is nothing to loose, societal norms are questioned because the very notion of survival is called into question.

The entrenchment of this notion occurred when I went to Australia; (I had a month to make it from the southern top of the continent (a place called Adelaide) to Cairns in the north.) On my travels, I ended up traveling with a drug dealer who was “laying low” from the authorities in the United Kingdom. He confided in me that the creativity that addicts demonstrate when they are looking for their next fix was rather remarkable. He went on to explain that these people would pull down close to 1 to 3 hundred thousand pounds a year to feed their habit. He also mentioned that these same individuals would never achieve that income without their addiction. He marveled at the creativity that his “customers” would use to come up with their next fix. This is certainly an extreme example. However, it seems to outline the point I am refining here.

When I look at risk and reward from a biological perspective, this is inline with the principals for natural selection. In order for the species (humanity) to survive and evolve – communities need to form, and society is comprised of people living by a social norm. This helps to form the notion of justice, as justice derived from the societal framework. Cooperation was necessary to evolve humans out of the caves and into the confortable surrondings we enjoy today. As a result, humans will naturally move toward the removal of pain to aid in their personal survival even if it means compromising thier full potential.

Continuing from the biological angle, moles have the behavior I am seeking to explain. Within a mole population, Communities form as the mole population will stay within tight social groups, (which makes sense because they are very blind). This benefits the mole population because there are always suitable breeding partners conveniently close and acquiring food and child rearing is simplified. However, within each population there appears to be a recessive genetic trait, which manifests as wanderlust. Therefore, a small portion of each mole population will break the norm; these adventurous moles will leave the tight knit group, and seek out another colony (or maybe bump into another “wanderlust mole” and form a new colony.) This makes sense from a biological perspective because the new genetic material will help to provide for the continuation of the species, (too much inbreeding is a bad thing). If this was a dominant trait, too many moles would leave the colony and fall victim to predation, or starve and the species would not survive.

Therefore, in my opinion it is only the people of extreme charisma, aggression and/or intelligence who have suffered will cause society to move forward (I won’t offer conjecture if these people are genetically programmed to be this way, that’s for the psychologists to argue). Without these disruptive influences, people are quite content to enjoy the construct of their own existence. People are naturally risk averse – especially when confronted with obstacles that cause fundamental changes in the way that they live. It takes a special kind of person to try and bring about change from adversity.

"All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions and executed by
supplanting existing institutions." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Voluntering

2005-11-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

I chose to volunteer at the Norwood school hot lunch program. This program is designed to give the children in lower income areas an opportunity to break the cycle of poverty. The principal behind this program is a child cannot be expected to concentrate when they are hungry. So, by feeding them and give them an opportunity to succeed, a full belly can contribute to a full mind.

In part, the funding for the hot lunch program is through the Alberta Government and the remainder if from charitable fund raising through the United Way and other charitable organizations. The reason this program came into effect was the poor demographics around the Norwood school. The average income in the Norwood area is approximately $17,000. Many of the parents in the area are unavailable because they are working multiple minimum wage jobs to provide for their family. Other Parents have substance abuse problems and are unable to take care of the children properly.

The socio-economic circumstances for these children fuel the cycle of poverty because they don't have the opportunities as children from more fortunate areas (like me). The children in this school are disproportionately small for their age, due to mal and undernourishment. They are more willing to open up to a person in a perceived position of authority because they crave attention that they may not be getting at home. Or you are percieved as safe.

Essentially, the children within this school desperately need help to break the cycle of poverty and to inject some hope and confidence into their lives. Part of this is a good education, and a full stomach is necessary to concentrate on the day-to-day task of living and learning.

I felt this would be an excellent volunteer activity for me because, I do not volunteer. Within the last few years, with the exception of running, rock climbing and swimming, there has not been one activity that I have participated in for personal growth that would not further my career. Essentially, this has proven to help me achieve high marks for my professional development and network, but I have not dedicated brain power to personal development for myself. I know this needs to change.

I remember when my last girlfriend suggested taking part in some volunteer work together; I explained to her that I would prefer to spend the time on something that we would both enjoy. I felt I worked enough, at the time I was working a minimum of 60 hours a week trying to learn all the facets of my craft. I really did not want to spend time with people who would remind me about how fortunate I am. I wanted to enjoy my successes and enjoy the time I had, myself. It is selfish, I remember looking into her eyes, and seeing a vague look of disapproval, at the time I believed she understood. I was genuinely tired and I really did not feel I had the excess energy or mental capacity to bite into anything more than I had already chewed into, I was wrong.

This was an excellent opportunity for me to stretch my boundaries and volunteer. From the perspective of somebody who makes a living out of taking ambiguous and uncertain situations and turns them into reality, I was amazed at how poorly I have managed myself.

One of my peers worked for the united way, when I asked her about the hot lunch program, she immediately put me in contact with one of the employees of the United Way, and we setup a day. I had already arranged not to participate in this activity alone, to make sure I went; I engaged all of my peers at work in this activity. I called it “team building”.

Immediately after the appointment was set up, butterflies crawled out of their cocoons and took up permanent residence with my stomach, and they would flutter about each time I thought about participating in this event. The truth was, I did not know what to expect, and emotionally this lack of certainty appeared to be driving me mad!

I was so troubled with this; I sat down with an old friend who I have been very close to for over twelve years. To try to articulate the apprehensiveness I felt toward this activity. After I explained why I felt the way I did (which essentially boiled down to, there is no profit in it), she burst out laughing.

Before I continue with this story, let me mention that old friends are the best. They know you for what you are, what you were, and always have an inkling about where you are going. Old friends are not only your greatest supporters, but they are your greatest detractors when you are not performing up to their expectations. At the end of the day you can’t help but love them for it. I am blessed.

After she had finished laughing, she explained to me, that the business world has not had this deep of an impact on me. She explained that I could do allot of good. Then she went about readjusting my head through skillful use of reason and mockery. She explained to me that I should not be looking to see what I can gain out of a situation. Instead, I should look to see how I can improve the lives of others. This may prove to be a life altering moment.

She was right, I was not always a mercenary, I used to be an idealist, I miss those days. Yet the butterflies continued.

My uneasiness continued until the moment the first child approached me to serve them lunch. At that moment, I had a job to do. I executed to the best of my ability.

Moving this to a perspective about what I learned about my own leadership potential was. I can do an amazing amount in the community. I thought the idealist in me was dead. In reality, through this experience I realized, he has just been starving. The idealist in me was partially sated when I realized that I can help people reach a higher potential. There is a great deal of good I can do!

We waalked around Norwood school, we realized how fortunate we were. So many people I know have achieved post secondary certification or a degree. We each realize it was not only our hard work is not singularly responsible for our achievements. It was the circumstance that we were born into. I am a first generation Canadian, I know that my parents paid the price for my circumstance by abandoning their friends, their culture, in my fathers case his Dad. My parents provided me, their unborn child with an opportunity to experience hope, the perception of justice, and the ability to raise a family without intervention from a corrupt bureaucratic system.

I am very lucky.

2005-06-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is my first post, in my first blog.

The purpose of this blog going forward will be to document portions of my life. I find myself wondering where the time went, and my life is becoming a blur of eventful events. Essentially, I am fortunate to live a wonderfully eventful life, however - the moments are getting lost like tears in a rainstorm.

This blog will serve as a way to remind me where I am, what I am thinking, and where I have been. These moments in my life are too precious to loose. Further I will make the time to write, and to reflect.

I am lucky to be here, let's make sure I remember and appreciate it!

I will add some of my other thoughts from past journals to get some content up here. It's a little lonley.